Saturday, November 17, 2012

When's it worth it?

I'm a Mom on a journey home. This has a been a long journey of ups and downs with God drawing my heart home to my children. I no longer want to have an undivided mind when it comes to being focused on the needs of my children and husband. In today's world a mother's heart can be divided so many ways. We are sensory individuals and we feed off of what we read in books, see on television, observe from other women, soak up in the workplace, take in from magazines, etc. Distractions are all around us and if we're left to our own devices to decide what's the best thing for our role in life and for our children, we'll end up with a void and an emptiness.

I discovered my own void a few years after having my own children. In my early 20s, I believed that it was culturally acceptable and valued to have a dual income household. So, I got the degree, the husband, the career, big beautiful house, and two beautiful children. In the beginning I felt accepted and that my efforts were acceptable unto God. We were very comfortable financially, the children in private Christian school, and life was all together "good". In some respects many would say we were living the American Dream. Day to day life was managed very well and I actually found joy being able to "escape" any frustrations I felt going through the "terrible 2s" and typical challenges with everday parenting woes. Many days required travel and  I lavished in comfortable hotels and room service. Getting away served as my mental vacation from the duties of parenting.

While the perks from the career world gave me a certain amount of satisfaction it just wasn't enough to fill the void I was feeling in my heart. As time progressed the void and quiet days in the office beckoned thoughts of my chidren's laughter, their goodnight kisses, and tight hugs around my neck. It became evident time with them was fleeing.  I could numb the void by remaining busy or give in to the thought of actually walking away from a career and into the arms of my family.

What sacrifices are worth it?